24 Chapters A Publisher Should Make An Offer On Right Now

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BUZZKILL is a neo-noir novel that uses humor, schtick, and gratuitous violence to portray the daily life of a hitman who goes by Jersey Jones, or J.J. for short.   The humor is dark, unforgiving and self-depricating, much like J.J. himself, who finds himself in a low-level communications job at a small tech firm as part of the Witness Protection Program because he rolled over on his family’s import/export business and they want him dead.

BUZZKILLS’s schtick is the way the novel is structured.  J.J. writes what amounts to his memoir in the form of web-copy popularized in today’s “New Media.”  The gratuitous violence is, well, why people might actually read and enjoy this book.

All 24 chapter/episodes’ catchy headlines have already been written and serve as a handy outline.

  1. 3 People Who Want Me Dead
  2. Which Midwestern City Should I Move To So My Machete-Loving Brother Won’t Find Me?
  3. What It’s Like To Be The Only Hitman At The Office
  4. 5 Stories Of Murder That Will Make You Want To Kill Your Best Friend
  5. I Tried To Go Straight For A Day And Here’s What Happened
  6. The Definitive Ranking Of The Most Influential Executioners
  7. 16 Perfect Alibis For Any Criminal On The Run
  8. Someone Stuffed Jackie C. In A Suitcase And It Was Beautiful
  9. Which Historical Period Would Best Appreciate My Primal Tendencies?
  10. New Jersey Man Accused Of Harassing Police And Hanging Dead Squirrel From Patrol Car Antenna
  11. 12 Harmless Activities That Prove Your Mother Is Trying To Kill You
  12. New Jersey Man Teaches Area Teenager How To Dispose Of A Body
  13. This Incredible Drawing Shows The Many Limbs Victim Lost
  14. Stop Your Capo From Giving You The Silent Treatment
  15. A Couple Of Thoughts Every Hitman Has Before Pulling The Trigger
  16. Running From The Mob And The Cops Is More Intense Than You Realize
  17. 8 Facts You Might Not Know About The Body Floating In The East River
  18. The Only Reason Jackie C.’s Gazpacho Was So Good
  19. Why People Lose Their Minds When They Have A Gun To Their Heads
  20. How One Sack Of S**t Jamook Got The Drop On Me And Lived To Tell About It
  21. 4 Things That Are Guaranteed To Happen When A Bullet Is In Your Guts
  22. In Regard To The Magnificent Ears In Patsy Kapala’s Mason Jar
  23. 8 Feelings You Know Too Well If You Live On Rikers Island
  24. Being Dead Is The Most Underrated Human Condition In History
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BuzzKill’s logo® is already designed! You are welcome, Interested Parties.

If you’re an agent, publisher, or producer and interested in this project (why wouldn’t you be?), contact me directly at mrrapacz [at] hotmail [dot] com.  If a six figure deal isn’t in your budget, I will also entertain plain curiosity, options for the film rights, or a single-camera, two-season, 24-episodic comedic adaptation.

About the proposer:

Mark Rapacz is the founding editor of Blastgun Books and an editor and partner with the neo-pulp press Burnt Bridge. His short stories have appeared in a number of publications, including Water~Stone Review, Revolver, Martian Lit, The Booked. Anthology, The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2012, and many others. His novella, BUFFALO BILL IN THE GALLERY OF THE MACHINES, was recently re-issued as a historically accurate dime novel and is available through IndyPlanet and Amazon.  His most recent novel CITY KAIJU is kinda/sorta out and on Amazon.  His neo-noir novel WAEGUK is currently making the rounds with agents and publishers, as is his collection of short stories, THE GREAT HUSH.  He and his wife currently live in the Bay Area, where he continues to write stories.

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